A view from Kerry

Safe, staid Listowel. For the craic.

2010-06-15T14:21:00.000+01:00

from agnes at the bar in the listowel arms;

"The writer's greatest asset is his indignation"

John B. wrote that observation a long time ago, in a different century. In JB's early works from almost 50 years ago, there certainly was indignation. His voice uttered the hitherto almost unutterable, his voice showed an Ireland that no-one really wanted to be talked about. At least not publicly. John B., revered now, did receive some shall we say, negative waves, during his lifetime, but sure that's all forgotten now.

There is now a wonderful festival in honour of the legacy of Listowel writers, including John B. It really does what is says on the tin - it's a week for writers in Listowel. I quote from the official website "Writers' Week festival was established in 1970 to celebrate those writers and to provide an opportunity for Irish Writers in general to develop their talents and meet new audiences".

The key words here are 'meet new audiences'. I will return to that, but in the meantime.

Premier Writing Festival?

It seems from the above official twitter profiles (15th June 2010) that there are two Premier Literary events in Ireland. What makes Listowel different? The Kerry Group Award for Irish Fiction? John Banville won it this year - a wonderful, erudite, pleasing writer, full of classical references. Where is the 'indignation'? Look at the past winners (I challenge you to find out who ALL the past winners were - don't try the official website) and you will find a list of safe, but wonderful, writers. I do not deny the worthiness of the winners - how could I? Have they not won prizes for their works from many sources?

Does LWW draw fame and credibility to itself by choosing known, proven winners, or at least safe winners? What differentiates it from any other literary festival in the world?

Is it the 'craic' and John B's ghost? Where is the heart of JB, or indeed of any Listowel writer, in 'Infinities' ?

Would the man who wrote 'Many young men of twenty' be 'safe' ? Listowel owes it to itself to look at it's raison d'etre, to quote an old kerryism. The festival deserves to flourish, not wither on the vine.

Meet New Audiences

This is perhaps another challenge which LWW could, should and must take up. The incident with Paul O'Mahony and a committee member (see this and this ) shows up the interface between the old and the new. Surely the best way to 'meet new audiences' is to fully embrace the net and all it's tools. It's not only LWW which falls down here, but that only creates a gap, an opportunity for LWW to leapfrog other festivals.

Some examples for you.

The official LWW twitter profile (see above) shows 10 tweets! 10!

-Don't bother with the LWW facebook page.

-Blog, - what LWW blog? None. (though there is excellent Fringe blog).

-The web-site should give more - a lot more. As mentioned above, there is no list of past winners. What about links to writers, editors, publishers? Some video links? Excerpts/full reprints of poems/stories? The web-site is not just a brochure - it is the LWW primary window to the world, to which all else connects.

-On-line discussions, Q/A sessions?

-Facilitate press - both official and citizen

-Accomodate 'fringe' events/matters

None of this costs a lot of money, but the impact world-wide for LWW could be immense.

The audience could be enormous, both for the LWW and the writers.

Unless LWW wants to be known as a parochial, provincial literary festival with a bit of craic, it must change.

I come to praise Caesar, not bury him.

Mozart a Disgrace in Listowel? Maybe

2010-06-15T00:16:00.002+01:00

from agnes in the bar at the meadowlands;

You may or may not know of the story of Paul O'Mahony who was accosted and challenged by a Listowel Writers' Week (LWW) committee member for recording an event at the festival. "You're a disgrace", she said. It is not entirely clear what her problem was, but it seems that she thinks recording an event at the festival without permission is a 'disgrace'. I wonder.

Mozart is not generally considered to be a disgrace, but he did not have to contend with the LWW committee. Way back when, Allegri's Miserere was performed regularly in the Sistine Chapel, a public place you would no doubt agree. However, the Vatican thought that this Miserere so special that no written copies of the music were allowed. Young Mozart (fourteen years of age) was unfortunate in that he did not possess an iPhone, so he was unable to copy the piece and blog it, YouTube it, Podcast it - nothing. But he did have a prodigious memory - he memorised the entire piece and wrote it down after the performance - outside the chapel, of course. Disgraceful behaviour. And yet, copies were made of Mozart's notation, and bootlegs, mostly pretty bad versions, went out to the great unwashed.

Which brings me to copyright. And I have no intention of discussing that here. Someone will just rob my post without seeing this part.

Which brings me to the LWW ladies problem with recording. I would venture that she has learnt, or just picked up on, the fact the the music industry hates copying - copying by anyone other than themselves of course. Copying has been a huge bogeyman since the cassette tape was invented. How many people were introduced to obscure, non-mainstream music through cassettes ? And went on to spend a lot of money on LPs, CDs, MP3s - all legal?

Most of the events at Listowel are readings, poetry recitals, sundry live performances. The vast majority of the people involved are not millionaire writers. All of them, I am pretty sure, are more than appreciative of a world wide audience via the web - YouTube, the Fringe Web and for God's sake even the official LWW website! (I am doing a separate post on that matter).

If nothing else, it is surely the duty of a Writers' Week to spread the WORD. To inspire others to read, write and above all to buy the arists' work and support their endeavours.

By using and facilitating tweeters/bloggers/photo-journalists LWW would open itself to the entire world. The LWW committee might be wonderfully amazed at the amount of people out there in the big, bad world who really want to know more about LWW. The amount of people who are willing to take the time to trawl the web for news, videos, readings and photos is vast, absolutely vast. If I was a poet I would love my readings to be heard and available everywhere. I would hope such publicity would be converted into sales, obviously. One cannot eat poetry.

Maybe, at the end of the day, a handshake, even a Virtual Web Handshake would allow the LWW and bloggers/tweeters/citizen journalists get along and promote the LWW itself.

The simple solution is for permission of the artist, not the committee, to be sought with full credit to all artists/readers/performers given and posted.

"Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot"

Mozart pic care of http://todopera.wordpress.com/2009/08/17/

Sentimentality doesn't win at Listowel

2010-06-03T10:50:00.000+01:00

from loki in the half-way bar listowel.

This being an unusually hot day I sit in the shade of the Half-Way bar, half-way(ish) between Listowel and Tralee. This being Listowel Writers' Week I sit a few kilometres from the festival where the winner of the Irish Fiction Award will be announced. I've been dreading this moment. Not 'Let the Great World Spin' (LTGWS) please, although I note that the prize is not called the 'Best Irish Fiction'.

First of all I must state that I own a signed (by the author, not by me) first edition of the book, and that no-one will borrow it - or any of my books come to that. So at least I show one of my failings.

The entire LTGWS is shot through with sentimental writing - a pair of Irish brothers whose father leaves the family home at an early stage, the poor mother dying of cancer, the girl with a concience, the prositutes with a heart of gold, the jewish judge and his wife who mourns her son lost to war and on and on and on. There is also the unnamed tightrope walker tip-toeing between the great World Trade Towers back in the 1970's.

Enough already, as Colum would write.

It is always a bit pernickity to find fault in a book because of historical details, but if the author wishes to establish some credibility then surely a bit of accuracy is called for. Within the first few pages of the book we are informed that the boys grew up in Sandymount on Dublin Bay in the mid-1950's. On weekend mornings the brothers walked with their mother on the beach where "Two enormous red and white power station chimneys broke the horizon to the east" (p12). I am a child of fifties Dublin and I thought those chimneys were not built until the early 1970's. I checked, I'm right. If I'm wrong tell me, I'll delete the post.

But that does not damn a book.

Every so often Colum (should I now start writing Mr. McCann?) can't resist relieving himself of some witticism; a "hospital that looked like it need a hospital", "Miro, Miro on the wall". At other times Mr. McCann employs sledgehammer, if not a pneumatic drill, to ram home some point he wishes to make. Just one example of this is where he takes three-quarters of a page to descibe death by many means - death by this, death by that. Or, as he himself sums up the list " A stupid, endless menu of death". Quite. I was reminded (unfavourably) of Martin Amis and his page of 'fuck' in 'Success' (1978).

Ulitimately I found the book to be full of sentimentality, and Irish sentimentality at that. The device of the tight-rope walker and the Twin Towers is very flimsy. There is the air of a movie script about the whole thing.

Enough already.

Your moment of Zen

2010-05-20T23:56:00.000+01:00

Listowel for free !

2010-05-17T10:52:00.001+01:00

from stockie in the munster bar tralee;

I was just sinking a nice pint when I came across the above snippet from the Irish Times. No, I don't work for the old lady, but a free trip is a free trip.

And Listowel is not too bad a place.

Click the pic to enlarge it, if you need specs, like me.

Mythbuster Speaks Out

2010-04-20T18:39:00.001+01:00

from seanie in the anvil bar boolteens;

Food for The Eagle

By Adam Savage

Good evening.
I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to read my speech from my new iPad.
Yep. I'm not only a humanist, I'm also an early adopter.

I want to start by saying that, to me, any discourse from me about how one can live a moral existence without religion or the church would sound improperly defensive. That there's an opposite to be defended is absurd and based on a provably false premise. So let's dispense with that.

(To be clear: I'm referring to the humanist axiom "Good without God," whereby "good" means morality. It's provably false that there exists no morality outside of religion, therefore the statement sounds defensive to me.)

By what route does anyone come to believe what they believe? We all like to imagine that it's based on a set of logical facts, but it's often a much more circuitous route.

For me it was pretty simple. I'm actually the fourth generation in my family to have no practical use for the church, or God, or religion. My children continue this trend.

Here are a few things I've learned.

Prayer doesn't work because someone out there is listening, it works because someone in here is listening. I've paid attention. I've pictured what I want to happen in my life. I've meditated extensively on my family, my future, my past actions and what did and didn't work for me about them. I've looked hard at problems and thought hard about their solutions.

See, I order my life by the same mechanism that I use to build things. I cannot proceed to move tools around in the real world until my brain has a clear picture in it of what I'm building. The same goes for my life. I've tried to pay attention. I've tried to picture the way I want things to be, and I've noticed that when I had a clear picture, things often turned out the way I wanted them to.

I've concluded by this that someone is paying attention—I've concluded that it's me. I've noticed that if I'm paying attention to those around me, to myself, to my surroundings, then that is the very definition of empathy. I've noticed that when I pay attention, I'm less selfish, I'm happier—and that the inverse holds true as well.

I think one of the defining moments of adulthood is the realization that nobody's going to take care of you. That you have to do the heavy lifting while you're here. And when you don't, well, you suffer the consequences. At least I have. (And in the empirical study I'm performing about interacting with the universe, I am unfortunately the only test subject I have complete access to, so my data is, as they say, self-selected.) While nobody's going to take care of us, it's incumbent upon us to take care of those around us. That's community.

The fiction of continuity and stability that your parents have painted for you is totally necessary for a growing child. When you realize that it's not the way the world works, it's a chilling moment. It's supremely lonely.

So I understand the desire for someone to be in charge. (As a side note, I believe that the need for conspiracy theories is similar to the need for God.) We'd all like our good and evil to be like it is in the movies: specific and horrible, easy to defeat. But it's not. It's banal.

There's a quote I love: "Evil is a little man afraid for his job." I always thought some famous author said it, but I asked my 200,000 followers on Twitter today, and it turns out that Roy Scheider said it in Blue Thunder.

No one is in charge. And honestly, that's even cooler.

The idea of an ordered and elegant universe is a lovely one. One worth clinging to. But you don't need religion to appreciate the ordered existence. It's not just an idea, it's reality. We're discovering the hidden orders of the universe every day. The inverse square law of gravitation is amazing. Fractals, the theory of relativity, the genome: these are magnificently beautiful constructs.

The nearly infinite set of dominoes that have fallen into each other in order for us to be here tonight is unfathomable. Truly unfathomable. But it is logical. We don't know all the steps in that logic, but we're learning more about it every day. Learning, expanding our consciousness, singly and universally.

As far as I can see, the three main intolerant religions in the world aren't helping in that mission.

For all their talk of charity and knowledge, that they close their eyes to so much—to science, to birth control education, to abuses of power by some of their leaders, to evolution as provable and therefore factual (the list is staggering)—illustrates a wide scope of bigotry.

Now, just to be clear. If you want to believe, or find solace in believing, that someone or something set these particular dominoes in motion—a cosmic finger tipping the balance and then leaving everything else to chance—I can't say anything to that. I don't know.

Though a primary mover is the most complex and thus (given Occam's razor) the least likely of all possible solutions to the particular problem of how we got here, I can't prove it true or false, and there's nothing to really discuss about it.

If Daniel Dennett is right— that there's a human genetic need for religion— then I'd like to imagine that my atheism is proof of evolutionary biology in action.

There may be no purpose, but its always good to have a mission. And I know of one fine allegory for an excellent mission should you choose to charge yourself with one: Carlos Castaneda's series of books about his training with a Yaqui indian mystic named Don Juan. There's a lot of controversy about these books being represented as nonfiction. But if you dispense with that representation, and instead take their stories as allegories, they're quite lovely.

At the end of The Eagle's Gift, Don Juan reveals to his student that there's no point to existence. That we're given our brief 70-100 years of consciousness by something the mystics call "The Eagle," named for it's cold, killer demeanor. And when we die, the eagle gobbles our consciousness right back up again.

He explains that the mystics, to give thanks to the eagle for the brief bout of consciousness they're granted, attempt to widen their consciousness as much as possible. This provides a particularly delicious meal for the eagle when it gobbles one up at the end of one's life.

And that, to me, is a fine mission.

Thank you.

— Delivered to the Harvard Humanist Society, April 2010

The above speech can be found at boingboing. By going there you can check out all the comments people like to make after reading such a speech.

And yes, I know about the 'sex scandal'.

Laugh with Jesus.

2010-04-20T09:15:00.000+01:00

from agnes in the grand hotel bar tralee;

Enough of this church bashing - well at least for 3.41. Laugh and then return to church bashing. All churches please. Not just christian.

Arabs can laugh too, it's true

2010-04-19T15:15:00.000+01:00

from guest reporter lar o'toole in the oyster tavern;

Arabs get a bad press. Yet they are human too, and just as prone to making a fool of someone else.

Jesus loves you, but not in that way

2010-04-18T22:20:00.000+01:00

from seanie in the huddle bar tralee;

Isn't that a fine set of abs altogether. This is a real painting, in a real church. No, not in Ireland, impossible. We would never have the church mix up such matters as Jesus and well, affairs below the navel, as 'twere.

Where else but in godless America, Saint Charles Borromeo Catholic Church, 5024 N Grove, Warr Acres, Oklahoma, USA, to be exact.

A quote from newsok; "Critics of the crucifix take issue with what appears to be a large penis covering Jesus’ abdominal area. Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen "showing distension” — not a penis".

A quote from the pastor (as they call them over there) "As many of you are aware, the crucifix for our Church was painted in accord with the ancient tradition of iconography. While many found it to be a very beautiful piece of art I deeply regret that some found it inappropriate or even offensive. It certainly is not the intention of the artist or myself that the cross of Jesus Christ be a source of division or result in disrespectful statements. For this reason the artist has agreed to modify the work. It is my most sincere hope that in the future all those who look upon the crucifix will only be led more deeply into the mystery of our salvation. May you continue to have a blessed and holy Easter Season".

Would dear old Benedict like to add it to the Vatican collection before it is altered forever?

Listowel Writers Right

2010-04-14T10:50:00.001+01:00

from agnes in freezers;

Sorry for all the trouble.

Listowel Writers Wrong

2010-04-12T10:15:00.001+01:00

from agnes in john b keane's listowel;

Oh my good God. I'm fast becoming a very nerdy, if not nasty, pedant. But what can I do? Even here in Kerry, land of wordsmiths, the plague of misspelling continues to wreak havoc.

I could blame a primary school education which placed great emphasis on correct spelling, tables and mental arithmetic. Is it safe to assume that such education has long disappeared from our system?

Listowel Writer's week celebrates writing. It is obvious from the official 2010 festival website that spelling is not high on the list of attributes a writer should have. I may be wrong, perhaps 'internatinal' and 'promotinal' are the correct spellings here in Kerry.

Who knows.

Even the BNP cannot spell

2010-04-09T17:41:00.004+01:00

from stockie in larkins milltown;

It goes on. That most liberal of political parties, the BNP in the UK (or Britian as they call it) have joined in with the fashionable act of showing how unused to spelling words in the english language it, the BNP, is.

Says it all, really.

Click the pic if you can't see it.

1 Down, Goodbye David Crozier

2010-04-09T17:11:00.003+01:00

from seanie in the oyster tavern;

David Crozier dead. I'm lost for words. No clue what to say. Don't know if I'm up or down. Quite cross with myself actually.Where was Ur anyway? Glad I won't have to remember the correct spelling of assegai aymore. Or was that Simplex ? Indeed it's hard to spell Crosaire, or even pronounce it.

Farewell. We really need to bring Latin back to our classrooms.

Rident stolidi verba Latina.

No, I'm not a teacher.

And his name was Derek.

Hard to think of a clue for that.

Yet more speling - RTE this time

2010-04-04T09:20:00.000+01:00

from loki in o'neill's railway tavern;

It goes on. Last time it was the Irish Times. Now we find that the national broadcaster is at it as well. What are testemonies? How can these august bodies make such terrible spelling mistakes? What software do they use for spell checking?

It may seem to you that we are getting carried away by our pickiness, but these are organisations which use words as tools of trade. These errors are not schoolboy mistakes.

We deserve more better journalism.

Maybe sub-editors no longer exist?

Jesus Lights Up My Easter

2010-04-03T10:46:00.000+01:00

from agnes in the abbey tavern ardfert;

They try to kill poor old Lars Viks for his cartoon of the prophet. Meanwhile Christians have a totally different attitude to their God. Respect? No! It is far more important to kitsch him up.

I feel more uplifted already, I can almost feel the love.

That's it. The picture tells it all, I didn't make it up. Go here to buy.

Irish Times and Speling

2010-04-01T14:44:00.000+01:00

from stockie in the bar in glenduff house;

Sitting down last Saturday (27th March) I nearly choked on my black bush.

Maybe I am wrong, but is the correct spelling not 'brilliancy' ?

The Irish Times. Paper of record.

What am I to do now? Is it anything to do with women editors? What spellcheck accepts 'briliancy'?

Blogging is dead.

2010-03-31T12:42:00.000+01:00

from seanie in mccarthy's dingle;

No it's not. Bloggers can use more than 140 letters. Not necessarily in the right order.

Why Grandad didn't win at Irish Blog Awards - IBA10

2010-03-30T18:05:00.001+01:00

from agnes in sean ogs;

Wrong demographic.

Wrong era.

Wrong dress sense.

Over 15.

Pic of IBA delegates(!) robbed from White Rabbit NI

Kill a man. Go home. Don't do it again.

2010-03-28T16:57:00.004+01:00

from paudie in skelper quanes blennerville;

And so we have the justice system showing that it can be blind - blind to justice that is. Anne Burke took a hammer and battered her husband, who was in bed at the time to death - hitting him 23 times. She was a battered woman, of that there is no doubt. She was a drinker of substance - no doubt about that either. He, the husband Patrick, was also a drinker and a woman beater. Again, no doubt about that there.

But a human being was killed. And not by a car accident.

Temporary insanity. Yes, I find it insane to have a hammer in the bedroom. Walked free. March 2010.

Caroline Brennan stabbed her brother to death. Walked free. February 2010.

If justice was really blind, and did not know of the gender of either party in the case, what would have been the result? If Eamon Lillis was Mary Lillis and Celine Cawley John Cawley, what would the outcome have been? Indeed what arguments would the defence team have used?

This is not a mysogynist talking. What concerns me is the fact that a person can be murdered, killed, executed and that the perpetrator receive no apparent sanction for it. Unless the defendant happens to be a man.

The "Battered Wife Syndrome" is gradually being accepted in various jurisdictions. There is no such thing as "Battered Husband Syndrome". For a dissertation on this, go to this article.

This is only a blog entry, so I keep my argument short.

For some excellent reading on this read Emer O'Kelly at Independent.ie. Sheer brilliance from Brenda Power at TimesOnline. See also the Tribune.

Cartoon at Alex Gerson.

Passport Office Dummies

2010-03-23T10:00:00.001Z

from seanie in doheny & nesbitts;
It’s the battle of the small people. Or is it? The unions, through the likes of Blair Horan of CPSU (salary €120,000) maintain that the current wave of action is in support of lower paid workers in the public (civil) service. My eye. The people who are actually fighting the cuts are, apparently, those self-same lower paid workers. Withdrawal of counter service, no phone answering, not using your mobile, are all weapons in the current war. How many managers, middle, senior and uber-senior managers actually man the counters in social welfare offices? Take a guess. You are right. The doorman at the passport office – what do you think his salary is?

Union leaders have taken no cuts. Blair Horan has been asked on many occasion what was the goal of the action to row back the pay cuts. He will not answer directly, but refers to ‘ongoing discussions’. I wonder what his real agenda is.

It’s not just the union heads and union middle management (who have their own battle with falling members and falling union dues) who are using the low paid for their own ends.

If low paid workers get any rise it follows as night follows day that relativities will be the next hurdle. How many middle managers would countenance overseeing staff who earn almost the same as them? Senior civil servants have already managed to have their putative cuts reversed. As far as they are concerned it’s the lower orders sorting themselves out.

Needless to say the government is quite happy to have all these idiots fighting among themselves.

And, as usual, the common man is the loser. And always will be.

More Magnificent than Sigur Ros,Sufjan Stevens

2010-03-22T14:24:00.000Z

from seanie in the shanty in ballyfinnane;

Oh God it's magnificent to listen to the worderful vocal heavenliness that is The Creatures in the Garden of Lady Walton, the latest opus from Clogs. What is the point in my reviewing this piece of modern bliss, just read the review here at All About Jazz. The Clogs are not jazz, I can assure you of that!

What kind of music? Well they themselves say "Recommended If You Like: The National, Sufjan Stevens, Bell Orchestre, Stars of the Lid, Sigur Rós, Moondog".

AMG says "There are moments of impossible beauty (“Owl of Love”), dense, but structured dissonance (“Adages of Cleansing”), and of course, whimsical, classically minded, indie folk (“On the Edge”), that when consumed all together, feel like a perfectly executed mash-up of Aaron Copland, Dead Can Dance, Bill Frisell, and Shirley Collins"

Apple Cake to die for, but not in Afghanistan

2010-03-22T10:43:00.000Z

from agnes stuffed in the half-door dingle;

Enough of the world of clericalism. We need food. We really need an Irish Mark Bittman, the Minimalist (An Fear Beag?). An Irish Male Minimalist does not mean sausage and rashers with black puddin.

Don't worry about cups and vanilla beans. Bittman does it easy style. So laid back and droll, it brings you straight into that New England world where everyone is button-down content. Or appears to be.

Do yourself a favor or a favour. Try him out.

Fairy Cake - Darina v Dunnes

2010-03-20T13:15:00.001Z

from mags in murphy's ice cream shop;

Her majesty (4 and a half) was having a playdate with a neighbour's kid. (Neighbour = half mile away) Great excuse for me to bake! Dug out Darina Allen's new book and decided to make queen cakes and a cream sponge. Yummy Yummy Easy Easy. Obviously the ulterior motive was my love for cake. Her majesty was the excuse. The cakes were fantastic. 12 buns and a gorgeous cream and strawberry jam sponge!

The playdate friend arrived with the poor unfortunate mother. What did she bring? A box of Ritz crackers and a packet of Dunnes Buns.

Darinas Buns. Butter, caster sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, white flour, baking powder, milk.

Dunnes Buns. Wheat flour, sugar, egg, vegetable oil, fruit, modified maize starch, glucose syrup,raising agents (sodium carbonates, disodium diphosphate, sodium aluminium phosphate), whey powder, salt, emulsifiers (mono- and diglycerides of fatty acids, propane 1, 2 diol esters of fatty acids, polyglycerol esters of fatty acids, sodium stearoyl-2-lactylate), wheat protein, skimmed milk powder, preservative (potassium sorbate) flavouring, acidity regulator L(+) tartaric acid).

Which buns do you prefer?

Because we're Irish.

Miracle of Twitter

2010-03-12T13:20:00.000Z

from stockie in riney's bar sneem;

It's great to be of assistance to the paper of record. Thank to the Irish Times - it picked up our post on Mary Harney and quoted it Miriam Lord's excellent Dail report. (see Thursday 11th March IT).

So we are a "miracle of twitter". Isn't that nice.

Losing a Son

2010-03-11T15:38:00.001Z

from the editor at his desk;

What a day. Death is in the air. Every sight and every sound.

Bridie Dwyer lost a son. Also by suicide. He was tormented because of the actions of one Bill Carney. See Newstalk and BBC. She carries on with such strength. She is an individual.

Marie Osmond loses a son. One day after her son's funeral, she does a stage show with Donny. I cannot make any rational comment on this. We are all individuals. We are part of society.

I lost a son. Today is his anniversary. He was eight in 1993. Only son. Only child.

People shouting in the dail. Resignation. Off with his head. Off with her head. They shouted last year, ten years ago, twenty even. People shouting on the radio. Banks. Jail them. Tax them. People in safe jobs want more money. Shout it out. Pensioners with gas bills. Talk to Duffy. Let's drink on Good Friday. Let's not drink. Shout it out.

This country is, and nearly always was, a self-serving, I'm all right community.

If as much energy was expended in making this country a good place to leave to our chldren as is spent on arguing and fighting one's corner, then we would reap the rewards.

Shout it out. It only works if we all shout together. But we won't.

We are all individuals.

You must learn to cry before you can see.

Mary Harney + 4 Live it up for Paddy's Day

2010-03-09T09:00:00.000Z

The Historic Meeting Place

from stockie in the coachman's;

It's amazing how high the life Mary Harney leads. Herself, the hubby and three (3) lackeys will live it up down under. Finger food and an open bar in New Zealand. Let the teachers strike. Mary will eat fried chicken.

The press release in full;
Recent years have seen the Irish Government rein in spending so we have not seen a visit from a Government Minister for sometime. However, this year, the Consul General has successfully negotiated such a visit .

As a result, Minister Mary Harney T.D., Minister for Health and Children, will be visiting the Hutt Valley Irish Society on Monday 15th March between 6.30pm and 8.00pm.

Also in the Minister's party will be:

* Mr Brian Geoghegan, husband of the Minister
* Dr Philip Crowley, Deputy Chief Medical Officer
* Ms Patricia Ryan, Special Advisor to the Minister
* Mr Darragh Scully, Private Secretary to the Minister
Rodney Walshe, Honorary Consul General of Ireland, will accompany the Minister and her party.
We extend an invitation to all our members and friends to join us in welcoming Minister Harney and her party to the HVIS and to take the chance to meet the Minister. We will be serving finger food and, of course, the bar will be open.
Minister Harney's biography can be viewed by at www.dohc.ie/about_us/ministers/
Slan go foille
Bryan Mulligan
Secretary, Hutt valley Irish Society

Women's Day, Soviet Style

2010-03-08T22:16:00.001Z

from agnes in paudies bar;

So this is where it comes from. A translation for you; "8th of March is the day of rebellion of the working women against kitchen slavery" and "Down with the oppression and narrow-mindedness of household work!"

Who could disagree.

International Women's Day, Again.

2010-03-08T10:41:00.002Z

from stockie chillin in fabric;

International Women's Day. 2010. What's new? Does Katie Price wear a burka? Too much to talk about and I cannot multi-task, I'm told. So talk among yourselves.

Video by way of LinkTV

Young Women Die, So What

2010-03-06T15:49:00.004Z

bloody cross 2, originally uploaded by Jo Naylor.

from agnes in ashes camp;

We now have the hand-wringing circus surrounding the death of Tracey Fay. It will go on for a few days, Liveline, weekend supplements, Sunday articles tv and radio talking heads.

So what.

Bridget Cleary, 26, dead. Burnt by her family. 1895
Anne Lovvett, 15, dead. Giving birth beside a grotto. 1984
Mariora Rostas, 19, dead. Raped and murdered. 2010
X case, 14, alive (?). Raped, miscarried. 1992
Hazel Mullen, 16, dead. Strangled, dismembered, boiled, by Shan Mohangi. 1963
Bridie Gargan, 27, dead. Bludgeoned to death by Malcom McArthur. 1982
Baiba Saulite, 27, dead. Shot. 2006
Raonaid Murray, 17, dead. Stabbed. 1999

The list goes on and on. Oh I know you will say there are women killers. Of course there are, but that's not the point, is it?

American English Down the Men's Room, sorry, Toilet

2010-03-04T11:04:00.000Z

from sean ban in the manhattan bar tralee;

American English is getting worse. How impenetrable do you find the following piece of nonsense (I presume it's nonsense) from the web?

NBC Deletes Message Board Overrun with Conan Separatists (and a Weird Yale Theater Plug)

Just when NBC thought it could slip back into Lenonian ennui, aTonight Show forum for "things you want Jay to see" overruns with I'M WITH COCO's and is deleted. Weirdly, Brian Williams' daughter singing Ke$ha on YouTube plays a role.
Under the title "Jay, look at this!" a moderator invited users to post "photos, ideas, links, and other things you want Jay to see." The first response was an embarrassingly earnest plug for Yale viral video upstart Kurt Hugo Schneider (one of the kids behind Yale: The Musical) from a commenter named "MakeMoney." Then, the commoners raze the board with three pages of wall-to-wall Conan separatist JPEGS.

Does it really matter? Of course it does. The point of language is to communicate and be understood. Slang is of a different order, I do not mean slang. I don't even mean proper grammar. Certainly not.

How soon will it be before we have a translator at the White House on St. Patrick's Day ? Obama meets Cowen. Going forward.

This americanisation (americanization) is slowly creeping into journalism. It is so easy to recognise a report from an american journalist. American - "I find it easy to recognise american reportage" said Fred Munchin, a homesteader from Litchfield, CT. (pop 6,562). Irish/English - "It is easy to recognise a report from an american journalist, I find." said Fred Murray, 51 from Atlone.

Oh I could go on. But as this is a blog I will continue it in a more structured way elsewhere

Discover Hidden Ireland, if you dare

2010-03-01T14:33:00.000Z

from agnes in ulick's farranfore;

This picture is from the US version of the Discover Ierland web campaign.

No offence to Padraic, for I'm sure that it is he, but what hidden Ireland is he going to show me?

A Magdalen laundry? A ghost housing estate? A Christian Brother? Southhill and Moyross (sounds grand like that, doesn't it?).

Or maybe he has something else hidden. Either way, I'm staying in Kerry. Don't trust that weird accent.

Irish Blog Awards - Not Nominated

2010-02-25T10:31:00.001Z

from agnes in tadhgeen prendiville's castleisland;

It came to my attention from twitter the the 2010 Irish Blog Award nominations have been published.

How big is the list ? About 1,200 nominations. How many Sponsors? Around 17.

Now far be it from me to cast asparagus at the good guys behind the awards, but that's a lot of nominations. It means a lot of traffic to someone. It means a lot of inter-communication and, dare I say it, networking, business networking that is. As I say, I do not wish to cast asparagus.

You may say we are peeved not to be nominated. Of course it would be nice to be nominated- if it meant anything other than a business proposition for some. This particular blog of ours is really crap compared with many - we know that, it's not a problem for us. For many a flower is born to blush unseen.

Better outside pissing in than inside pissing on each other.

All the best to the nominees and may the best blogs win - we really mean the best blogs.

Come on Grandad.

IRA Car bomb damages N. Ireland courthouse

2010-02-25T10:06:00.000Z

from seanie in parker's kilflynn;

Not my headline - but from MSNBC ticker. The full story here. Obviously the locals in Newry and Northern Island should be concerned.

But what of Sinn Fein ? How many thousands of Irish in the US think of Gerry Adams/Martin McGuinness as IRA people? They must surely be pissed off with MSNBC and their headline writers. And if they are pissed off with MSNBC, how accomodating are they to 'dissidents'?

Make up the rest yourself.

Ireland is Dead.

2010-02-17T13:51:00.000Z

from agnes abroad in the coachman's inn;

Mary Coughlan, Tanaiste and minister for jobs. Qualification? Educated Ursuline Convent, Sligo and UCD (B.Soc.Sci). Full time public representative and former social worker; source FF. That's it. Social Worker. Plenty of work for social workers in North Dublin.

Her favourite quote? "'Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centres of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance". Maybe the sentence is too long for her to read.

Willie O'Dea, Minister for forgetting. Qualification? UCD and Kings Inns and the Institute of Certified Accountants (BCL, LLM, BL, Certified Accountant). Are lawyers and accountants people we can rely on? Could just as well be a qualified Bishop. Lies, Lies, Lies.

Brian Cowen, Top Dog. Qualification? They also serve who stand and wait.

Kiss my ring - as gaeilge

2010-02-17T09:45:00.000Z

from agnes in ~~church~~ sol y sombra killorglin;

So the bishops kiss the pope's ring.

Pog mo thoin, kiss my ring.

Nuff said.

Let's Tax Al Qaeda

2010-02-15T16:33:00.000Z

€5? not bad..

from sean ban in the public bar at ballyseede castle;

Now here's an idea for our cash strapped beaurocrats - why not charge illegal organisations a licence fee? You don't believe it can't be done?

Check out South Carolina's Subversive Registration Act. The ruling is "every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States ... shall register with the Secretary of State." It cost $5 to register. You can download the PDF application form here.

Of course the troubles are now over. Aren't they?

Northern Ireland, Who Cares?

2010-02-14T18:32:00.001Z

from seanie at the bar in freddies, caherdaniel;

Ulster's Funny Stuff is a podcast available from the BBC. It is also surely an oxymoron. I have not downloaded it but I'm sure it's a very short piece.

Irish Unity on the Agenda? Who is Sinn Fein kidding? No-one in the 'South' gives a toss or cares about the 'North'. Unless of course 'Southerners' go up to stock up on Dutch Gold or whatever it is plebeians drink nowadays.

But if the 'North' did not exist, then of course Sainsbury's would not be there.

So there you have it. Ulster's Funny Stuff will be on show in London on 20th February 2010.

George Lee More Popular than Haiti

2010-02-09T15:19:00.000Z

Marshall McLuhan

from seanie in glenduff house tralee;

Well that's it. Haiti gone from the populist media. 212,00 people dead. More to come. But we worry about George Lee and Charlie Bird. How many George Lees and Charlie Birds lie under the ruins of Haiti? Some village Hamlet......

Of course we are told that the media only tell the stories that the people want. But Ireland has reached a truly obnoxious level of naval gazing. 2 newspeople, 2 journalists are the story.

Truly the medium is now the message.

Eamonn Lillis Murder Lessons

2010-02-05T11:50:00.001Z

Why get a divorce in Ireland? It takes far too long. We can learn a lot from the Eamonn Lillis trial. Why not invest in a bit of decking and leave a brick or two around. You will find that it will take only 5 years to be rid of your wife (7 years less time off).

So you want to be legal? Well first off you have the year or so leading up to the 'we should take some time out' stage. The you have to try mediation. And the law states "At the date of the commencement of the proceedings, the spouses have lived apart for four out of the five previous years"

So.

Murder the wife. 5 years.

Divorce her. At least 7 years. And she is still around.

picture from here

FF Minister's Advice

2010-02-05T08:12:00.000Z

with grateful thanks to our Man in Portugal

Anti-Abortionists to Support the Big Match ?

2010-02-04T12:30:00.002Z

from agnes in charlies in kerins o'rahillys;

Croke Park has a big match coming up - and a Rugby match at that. But the GAA will not have international rugby or soccer matches for much longer. Alternative sources of income will have to be found.

Why not have the Pro-Life Lobby sponsor the half-time entertainment? The idea comes to me because CBS have allowed an anti-abortionist group to advertise during the Super-Bowl. Such an ad costs millions of dollars. It features a wonderful athlete Tim Tebow, god love him. The doctors wanted his mum to have an abortion, but she didn't - hence Tim. Read all about this wonderful piece of mankind here.

So, I fully recommend that Youth Defence get in there quick - imagine the half time show we could have! It's not as if the GAA has too many scruples when it comes to sponsorship.

Enjoy Drinking Non-Sensibly. It's Better That Way

Really Flushing Euros Down the Toilet

2010-02-03T11:11:00.000Z

from stockie in blind piper caherdaniel;

Imagine you are in charge of a town of 3,393 souls, all with bladders. Also imagine that the town has over 85 pubs, 2 hotels, many restaurants. Lots of places to relieve oneself. A town with surely enough toilets, all public, to cope.

Not if you are in charge of Listowel.

The good councillors installed a public toilet that will cost €600,000 in total. In 2008 toilet cost €37,950.

It earned €1,500.

Listowel Council, a mirror image to the Government.

3,393 people wouldn't piss enough to make a few bob for the council. Perhaps Nama could help by taking on the town's debt. After all there are supposed to be many speculators left with no pot to piss in

Pink - A Kerryman wakes up

2010-02-02T15:01:00.002Z

from stockie at club headbangbang tralee;

Good god.What a girl.Not being a follower of 'popular music' I was blissfully unaware of such talent.

Pink at the Grammys.

Beats Twink at the Gaiety

Dublin Speed Limit is the Bleedin Limit

2010-02-01T15:40:00.000Z

from agnes in ashes, camp;

The amount of money spent on denying people to use cars is unbelievable - €40 million on the Road Safety Authority - see previous note. And now town and city councils are getting in on the spending. How much of Garda expenditure is car related? Not counting other Government departments.

For fuck's sake. If people are being injured and killed in towns and cities it's because;

a) Pedestrians Jay walk.

b) Pedestrians get pissed.

c) Pedestrians don't look.

d) Pedestrians ignore traffic lights

e) Pedestrians ignore zebra crossing rules.

f) Pedestrians don't use footpaths.

g) Pedestrians don't wear hi-vis clothing.

h) Pedestrians are soft and don't have built-in air bags (politicians excepted).

But who get's the blame? Motorists. Because Motorists are seen as a never ending source of revenue.

Vote Vote Vote.

Protest. Protest. Protest.

Joycean Defamation, A Blogger Apologises

2010-01-31T09:38:00.000Z

Mr Joyce, money and Ireland

from sean ban in the thatch bar lisselton;

So now I must be very careful with every word printed here. I haven't got a spare €100k lying around. I wonder does it matter if this blog is not based in Ireland? If it is, can I defame a citizen of the United States? I don't know. What am I taking about? - check out the 'defamation' case suffered by the blog Ardmayle. The story is in an old Independent article. The participants in the affair are Niall O'Donnchu and Laura Barnes. If you really want to know more about this fearless couple - just google it. Come to think of it, could Google have been sued for carrying the alleged defamation? One wonders about the relative sizes of the defence bank accounts of Google and Ardmayle.

Of course we will now hear from the John Waters of the this country mouthing off about nameless bloggers. He always appears to imply that all bloggers are dim-witted playstation weilding dullards without education, living off coke (both kinds) and pizza. Though that sounds like a few journos I know. And yes, I am nameless. Just like many journalists I can think of, Mr Waters.

Why, the Irish Times even has Backbencher. Surely it counts as a blog? And is not one John Healy a Waters icon?

yours insincerely,

Kerryview

Suicide is Cheaper than Death by Car Crash

2010-01-29T11:24:00.002Z

I make no apologies

from stockie in spillanes in the maharees;

This country really needs a shake-up. Take driving (you could take smoking if you wish - see grandad). We can't drink, phone, speed, go slow. We pay road tax, VRT, VAT, duty and god knows what else. We have insurance, NCT tests.
We have the RSA, the Road Safety Authority.

How many deaths on the roads in 2008?

279

How much did we spend on the RSA?

€40,421,757.00

Road safety is easy. And it is a revenue earner - big big time revenue earner for the lazy state.

Let's look at suicide. Here we have NOSP - National Office for Suicide Prevention. You will note that this is an Office. Not an Authority.

How many (known) suicides in 2008?

424

How much did we spend on the NOSP?

€5,097,601.00

Either we put the NOSP in charge of road safety and save both both money and lives, or we just leave Gaybo alone. In any case I will be accused of playing with figures and not understanding the complexity of the situation.

I don't give a flying fuck. People, especially men, are killing themselves. On a grand scale.

But there is no financial return in investment in suicide prevention. It's also not sexy.

In the meantime rural pubs are dying. Customers are kiling themselves. All very dramatic.

Depression is a cruel master.

A Death in Haiti

2010-01-14T10:23:00.001Z

Haitian Children Food Poverty 2008 see NYDaily

from agnes in brandon hotel tralee;

So what is a death in Haiti. To have been born into abject poverty. To have no parents. To have guns, knives and terror permeating every horrible sweaty clammy second of every minute of every hour of every day.

To be bankrupt in Iceland. To be a child bred into prositution in India. To have no water in South Dublin. To be a family smothered, knifed and hanged by the father.

To be a father with your beautiful child dead in your arms.

Death in Haiti is nothing. Suffering, the dreadful experience of loss, of excruciating injuries, that is Haiti. It is all our suffering. This is one very small world.

"Death destroys a man: the idea of Death saves him". So said E.M. Forster.

In one year's time the Haitian earthquake will be merely a footnote to the highlights of 2010. It will require many more tsunamis and Haitis for us to learn that, in the end, we need each other.

How to Recognise a Sub-Saharan African in Ireland

2010-01-11T16:48:00.000Z

Spot the Sub-Saharan African

from seanie at the bar in the grand hotel tralee;

You must hand it to the Gardai. Here is a quote from d'Examiner "The stop rate for Sub-Saharan Africans in Ireland was the highest for any ethnic minority surveyed in any of the 27 EU member states".

Now I am not an ignorant man, but I must confess my difficulty with racial recognition. I would not know a Sub-Saharan African if I saw one. Is he (she) white, black whatever? Is a Sub-Saharan a lesser species of man - compared with a Saharan or Super-Saharan?

The article also states "More than 1,000 Sub-Saharan Africans and eastern Europeans were surveyed". No mention there of non Sub-Saharan Africans.

In my view the gardi must be pretty smart if they can pick out and harass Sub-Saharan Africans. As opposed to other Africans. Or Afro-Americans. Or French Africans. Or whatever you are having yourself.

Or Travellers.

My Path is Very Slippery - What can I do?

2010-01-06T13:41:00.000Z

from loki in the station house, tralee;

Why is the council not gritting the footpaths on our estate or in our towns and cities?

Are people really asking this question?

The first thing you can do is wake up. This is supposed to be a Democracy and a Republic to boot. We are responsible for ourselves and each other. Why do people have to risk life and limb while trying to walk to the shops, especially old, weak people? Women with kids, men with kids, anyone walking from the bus to work.

Clean your frontage - your own frontage. Whether it be before a house, shop or even Garda Station. And what about Government and Local Offices? Outside hospitals? Are they clear? You know they are not.

It's ridiculous. Be responsible. Do it yourself. In many countries you must, by law, clear your frontage. just google "Who removes the snow from sidewalks".

As far as the roads are concerned, I will address that in a further post.

Sexual Assault, We're Sorry For Your Trouble

2009-12-17T10:05:00.001Z

from agnes, livid, pure livid, having tea in the listowel arms;

Spot the difference.Pictured above left, Danny Foley, convicted of sexually assaulting a woman. Pictured above right, men (including priests) ogling women (labelled Lovely Girls).

John B. must be wincing in his grave. Listowel has not yet reached the 21st century, never mind the 20th. You may not know the story of Danny Foley, convicted of sexual assualt and sentenced to seven (7) years, five to be served in jail.

Convicted. By a jury. With CCTV evidence. Read it here.

In the court, just before the beak came out to pass sentence, an extraordinary event occurred. Up to fifty people approached the defendant, in the dock with two prison officers, and commiserated, even cried with him, Danny Foley. Included in the fifty was the parish priest of Castlegregory.

Fr Sean Sheehy, the Parish Priest of Castlegregory, said Mr Foley had the highest regard for women and didn’t have an abusive bone in his body. Of course A 'Parish Priest' would of course be considered an expert in the area of abuse. On newstalk this priest said the sentence was a miscarriage of justice. It was an 'alleged' assault. And this knowing of the guilty verdict.

The victim was not ignored, but she had to leave the courthouse by a side door about half an hour later, with a garda escort. Read it. She, the victim, left with a garda escort. She may, who knows, have to leave the area for good.

Rant, rave, rage all you want. This is the underbelly of polite society.

Mark Little Leaves, But Only A Little

2009-12-16T14:26:00.000Z

Mark Little's New Image

from Sean Ban in the abbey inn tralee;

Very parochial I know, but I see Mark Little has decided that TV is not the future of news and is heading into the murky waters of the digital age. "Being successful on telly takes away a bit of your humanity and you become a bit of a caricature", said the preppy Peter Pan of current affairs in the Irish Times.

Fair play to him. I'm sure RTE are happy that the average salary of has now gone down.

Wouldn't it be great if Gerry Ryan Tubridy, Creedon, Fanning, Marty and all those other past-sell-bys would decide to join the digital revolution too? Not that I listen anymore. But I do pay the licence fee.

A little p.s. Mark's brave decision is not all it seems to be.According to the IT article -"Little is taking leave of absence from RTÉ, so the television door isn’t closing for good".

Eyebrows Tell a Tale

2009-12-15T07:55:00.002Z

from stockie in ulick's farranfore;

Unbelievable. There was I getting my haircut when, at end, she looked at me in the mirror. "Would you like me to trim your eyebrows?" WTF. I'm Groucho Marx now? Never before in the field of human hairdressing has a man been so shaken. "Even young men get it done". WTF. Now I'm in Boyzone.

I didn't get them trimmed. They look fine, to me. But now I wonder what I really look like. What is my image as seen by onlookers? As far as I am concerned I still am that whippersnappper in my twenties. Why, I even use a computer regularly.

Dare I eat a peach.

I'm an alcoholic and a gambler, giz a job

2009-12-08T16:58:00.000Z

They shoot horses, don't they?

from loki on the high stool at tralee golf club;

During the depression people danced for days to win cash. Cash for food. Now of course our ballroom dancing is courtesy of z-listers on BBC (or equivalent American crap).

No. Now we are far more sophisticated than having our young people parade in front of hundreds of people. Why not parade them in front of hundreds of thousands, if not millions?

On The Apprentice English Steve announced (or was forced to announce) his travails with alcoholism and gambling. Great for the viewing figures. And apparently just the right qualifications (according to Gavin, the interviewer) for a potential apprentice to Bill. Steve the Warrior. A steady pair of hands at the wheel.

Obviously now Steve the Hulk will have to up his game. Maybe they are not his real arms - just prostheses? Or (as I suspect), Steve the Hulk is an android (very early type, possibly 1.012).

Who gives a fuck. I do. There are no jobs, so make fools of us. What next ? No need to answer, we all know.

Flooding - Government Response

2009-11-26T11:15:00.000Z

from loki in tomasins castlegregory;

My poor head is about to explode. Even the calming effect of Arthur G is not helping. What is this government doing about the flooding? Damn all. Where is the Army (182 deployed!!!!) and all the other resources available?

Save the banks immediately, oh yes. But small businesses, farmers, people who have been left homeless, they can wait.

Taoiseach's words to calm the storm.

What are Cowen's calming words? The Irish Times - "TAOISEACH BRIAN Cowen has described the flooding situation as an “ongoing emergency” which he predicted was likely to get worse in parts of the country". How very Obamaish, Clintonesque. It's going to get worse, thank you for lifting our spirits.

Hanafin suggests eating cake.

"The Minister for Social and Community Affairs, Mary Hanfin, has said there will be some element of means testing in the distribution of monies from the Government's hardship fund." - RTE. Means testing! €10million wouldn't cover the thick necks of the Fianna Fail front bench. How much will the means testing cost?

Surely this country is rapidly descending into a very dangerous place. The one and only thing it requires is leadership. We must be wary - times like these spawn unrest, left/right divisions and feelings within the citizenry that there is nothing left to do but revolt.

Don't bother looking at the opposition parties. They are just as useless.

Shannon Flooding - Seanad Speaks Again!

2009-11-25T11:23:00.000Z

Tom Parlon Promised Shannon Authority

from paudie safe high up in johnnie foxes;

Loki brought you the seanad debate of 1978 dealing with Shannon flooding.
It doesn't stop there, oh no. In 2004, Senator Bannon (who he?), a Fine Gael lackie, divested himself of the following; "In the run-up to the last general election, we heard a great deal of thunder from the Minister of State, Deputy Parlon, about the draining of the River Shannon and the establishment of a Shannon authority. Counties Roscommon, Longford, Westmeath and Offaly were severely hit by downpours of rain yesterday and last night. There have been many cases of serious flooding in the region over the past 50 years or more. When he was Taoiseach, Éamon de Valera promised to drain the Shannon. The Minister of State, Deputy Parlon, gave a commitment to establish a Shannon authority, but we have heard little about it since he became Minister of State with responsibility for that area. The Minister of State needs to come to the House as a matter of urgency to update Senators on his plans to bring all the parties which are interested in the Shannon together to try to develop a better system of management of the river system. Thousands of acres of land in the midlands are flooded when the Shannon breaches its banks, causing great inconvenience to farmers and the public in villages in close proximity to the river."

Who says the Seanad is irrelevant? Stuff and nonsense.

Flooding Emergency - Seanad Discuss Urgency

2009-11-24T10:07:00.002Z

Dail Eireann, or Cowen's Ark

SHANNON FLOODING EMERGENCY

from loki in the shanty ballyfinnane;

It is good to see that the Seanad has shown itself not to be an out of date and useless institution.

The following happened in 1978. Thirty-one years ago. Thirty-one years.

Seanad Éireann - Volume 88 - 26 April, 1978
River Shannon Drainage: Motion.
"That Seanad Éireann calls on the Government to commission an up-dating of the Rydell report on the drainage of the River Shannon so that a proper policy can be devised for the development of the river taking into consideration (i) the vast number of agricultural holdings which suffer from severe handicap of occasional and sometimes continuous flooding (ii) the long-term planning for use of the river as a tourist amenity and (iii) the requirements of the State for the use of the river as a source of energy."

The Shannon begins to flood—and I am speaking of the Shannon roughly from Rooskey down to Portumna— taking one year with another, about October. The water continues to creep up for October and reaches its highest point sometime about November and may continue to flood into December. It remains at this high level until mid-April. It is only in the past week that the Shannon level has dropped this year. For people living on the banks of the Shannon, the sight of the water creeping in on their land is something to which they have become used but not reconciled. One can imagine the feelings of a farmer, and, generally, the farmers on the banks of the Shannon are small holders, when he sees his livelihood disappearing under water in October knowing that he will not be able to use whatever area or portion of his holding that remains covered by the flood until the following late Spring. Sometimes the water leaves so late that it is too late to commence any tillage. Sometimes the flood has come up more rapidly than expected and crops of hay have been washed away on the flood. That land is subject to rates and it is aggravating, to say the least, for that farmer to get his rates Bill from the county council and have to pay that bill when the land in respect of which he is paying his hard-earned money is covered by water and is literally useless to him for half the year."

I could go on. The motion contains 8,502 words.

I must say it.

GET THE FUCKERS OUT.

Do Women Fuck As Much As Men

2009-11-23T09:15:00.004Z

from agnes wifiing at fels point;

Here I am sipping a nice Bombay, ice n water, looking at the work of Daikichi Amano. Now, you could infer the obvious (women as objects etc.) but why bother - use your noggin.

I was thinking of all those bloggers who are so 'angry' with the world that they feel that by liberally peppering their prose with fucks and cunts they show how really angry they are. Paps excepted, he doesn't really mean it. Angry my ass. Read Kingsley Amis if you want to learn how to use your fucks. Or maybe even Larkin - or maybe his parents.

Just a face in the crowd, trying to stand out. Not even a body. And it will all be over soon.

Just one electricity strike shuts us all up.

Rightly fucked.

Art Imitating John and Edward ?

2009-11-20T22:46:00.000Z

from agnes in front of the plasma in lord lucan;

There I was minding my own business having a small one at the bar when the plasma is turned up LOUD and all these real auld dubs, ya know wha I meanne, came pourin in, kids, grannies, you name it. Jedward comin on, apparently. "John and Edward, they're bleedin crap, roih? but you have to give it to the pair of fuckers, they give great entertainment. Sure the bleedin Boyzone were shite at the start too". God did I finish up quick and nipped back to the Ball Alley for a stiffener.

What's all this got to do with anything in my world?

Well I was checking out the latest trends in the art world (as you do in the Lord Lucan) and I came across Alexandra Falagara .

Alexandra Falagara is responsible for the high-haired youth. Louis Walsh is responsible for the high-haired youth.

Life imitating Art. Art imitating Life. Confusing.

Girls Give a Lesson in Sportsmanship For Thierry Henry

2009-11-19T10:10:00.000Z

from stockie in the laurels killarney;

Now let's be honest, I don't follow the English code, but every pub has a flat screen and I have two functioning eyes. Watching 22 boys playing with a ball whilst earning more than your average bank chairman is not that attractive to me.

Thierry Henry has an air of a good boy, the lad who the teacher took 'special' care of. Mammy's boy. But I can forgive him that.

Soccer is rotten, pure and simple. When a sport reaches the level that cheating, or at the very least a lack of sportsmaship, is almost condoned it is finished as a sport. Winning at all costs is not winning.

Some examples of sportsmanship;
a) Soccer (yes!) - Nottingham Forest v Leicester City 2007
b) Golf - Muirfield 1926
c) Golf - 1969 Ryder Cup
I won't go on - google them if you want. Golf, snooker, tennis are among the sports that rely on sportsmanship (I know, I know).

I don't follow softball either, but the girls in the team in the video could teach Henry and all the other obscenely overpaid soccer 'stars' about sportsmanship and human dignity. Albeit that no-one was physically hurt in the Irish match.

What Obama Should Have Done in Japan - Fox News

2009-11-18T12:17:00.001Z

from stockie's laptop in the lanterns tarbert;

So Obama bent forward to greet the illustrious tiny emperor Hirohito. What else would you do to a dwarf ? See pic.

It seems that Republicans think it more appropriate to greet out-of-staters with a finger, as above.

Blowing it all in a recession

2009-11-18T10:00:00.000Z

from paudie at the bar in the butler arms;

If I had the €1milion plus and bought a Bugatti Veyron I just know this would happen to me. The day after my insurance was up.

Secondary Teachers' Plans Revealed (not really)

2009-11-17T09:57:00.001Z

from stockie on the high stool at riney's in sneem;

You have heard of Mao's little red book. Maybe even come across Mein Kampf. How about The Next Steps? (FF 2007 manifesto). The Communist Manifesto? The Twelve Steps? Scouting for boys?

Roll on the teacher's strike. Roll on 24th November. Roll on National Me Fein Day.

It's a great little country.

Teacher's Stressful Life and 24th November

2009-11-16T09:14:00.000Z

from paudie in the gables in athea;

I thought I would share this photograph of a multi-tasking teacher, busy with her students.

She needn't worry too much, clocking off time is 4.00 pm.

And of course a lovely day off on the 24th November. And maybe another just before the christmas break.

Revolting Teachers Revolting

2009-11-13T15:59:00.000Z

from seanie in mccarthy's in finuge;

What are we to make of it? Teachers on strike? You will recall that not so many years ago teachers were also striking. That time they wanted 'parity' with the private sector.

Why there were students straight out of college earning kazillion €s, kids that these wonderful teachers had educated (obviously not english grammar teachers). Twenty year olds earning more than teachers. Can't be having that.

And lo there was Benchmarking, and God saw that it was good.

And now students are earning fuck all. Twenty year olds earning zilch, zilch with a mortgage and credit card debt.

And teachers? Well they can afford to strike. Safe, solid, boring and pensionable job. Strike.

What about some reverse Benchmarking?

Have a look at the latest figures from the OECD (2007);

Look at the position of Irish Teachers. If you want to drive yourself crackers visit the OECD site. Of course I assume you have plenty of time if you are a teacher, and even more time if you are unemployed.

Cartoon care of Al Benge

Kerry Leads the World in Men's Fashion

2009-11-12T15:42:00.000Z

from stockie in the bridge bar portmagee;

Well now, isn't it great to be in fashion - almost. This designer guy, wittily named Mjolk, is the cutting edge of fashion - see here or here.
But here the in the Kingdom we have been at the bleedin edge forever. Compare (him in pic) with me fein.
My shirt is baggy and plaid from Dunnes Homme Culchie Collection. The jeans (Celcius, Tralee) I wear are much longer than his, I admit, but they hide my socks, thanks be to god. Now I draw the line at his footwear. Mine are beautiful suede Rockports (cheapo cheapo at TKMaxx, Tralee). On second thoughts they look like his.

The hair, I'm afraid, I cannot copy.

If he had a bit of baling twine for his jeans I'd consider him a neighbours son.

So come to Kerry to see the next trend in fashion pour hommes.

Propaganda and Drink Driving Limits

2009-11-09T13:10:00.001Z

from agnes at the bar in godley's, fenit;

So they are at it again. How in god's name can I sit in every night talking to meself while drinking canned draught arthur g. and a few small ones. I'll be on me arse in no time, and may well set fire to settee once more.

Look at the official stats from the CSO. 285 deaths with motor vehicles. How many were drunk or had just the one? Does it matter? If they were all piss heads it still represents 1% of the deaths in 2006.

How much money is spent each year in preventing the other causes of death? You can guess the answer. What budgets are set aside for PR, advertising, staff in the other areas? What 'celeb' is running any other agency to promote that particular cause?

1%. And how many of that 1% fell asleep at the wheel. Sneezed and lost control. Got blinded by headlights. Died because there was no road sign. Died because of road conditions. Bald tyres. Faulty Brakes. Junior in the back was causing a rumpus.

Still 1% ? 285 died because of drink? I don't think so.

I am not in favour of drink driving. I do want at least to be able to have a couple of pints over an hour or two and drive home. As I said before, out here there are no Luas, Dart, Arrow, DrinkLink, Bus or taxi. If you count €40 round trip fare to my local as a taxi service then you must be Sean Fitpatrick.

Swords into Ploughshares, Offices into Warships

2009-11-09T00:07:00.000Z

USS New York

from stockie at the korean war memorial lixnaw;

The USS New York has been launched. You may or may not know that steel from the rubble of theWorld Trade Center was used in the building of this ship.

Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus said at the amphibious assault ship's commissioning "No matter how many times you attack us, we always come back, America always comes back. That's what this ship represents."

From the bible, Isiah 2.4 "They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into pruning-hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more."

I'm off for a quick one.

Love Pains Make You Feel Alive

2009-11-07T12:00:00.002Z

from agnes in the gleneagle;

I don't know about you, but I'm nearly, just nearly, fed up with little boys full of self-knowing doubt singing 'love' songs with their nice non-electric geetars. Sometimes they even appear in the church in Dingle with Mr Patronising Kelly.

Give me someone who gives everything in a song, including real feeling.

Neko Case is such a woman. This is "The Pharoahs". It gives me a shudder each time I listen and drink in the words.

lyrics;
you were married in the mirrored hall when I was 16

you spoke the words, "I love girls in white leather jackets"
that was good enough for love, it was good enough for me
I listened in when you thought you were alone
calling the sphinx on a tornado's phone
who knows what she'll say
I only heard what i wanted
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right
wandered the halls all the nighttime
my body burned, my legs ached
but you never came to bed
you just left me there awake
you kept me wanting wanting wanting
like the wanting in the movies and the hymns
I want the pharaohs, but there's only men
I want the pharaohs, but there's only men
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right

Beyonce a grand lump of a woman

2009-11-06T13:13:00.001Z

from stockie at the bar in the listowel arms;

God I'm confused. Isn't Beyonce a grand lump of a woman? She'd be a great help at the milking. One man's cellulite is another man's fine thighs.

You'd fit ten Poshes in that red suit. What use would Posh be to me?

With the recession affecting the heating bill, I'd prefer Beyonce in the old leaba, complete with the fine thighs.

Oh it's not cellulite if it's on Beyonce?

We prefer the ladies to come upholstered.

U2's Berlin Walls

2009-11-05T09:36:00.001Z

Old East German Plasma with Old Rockers

-the only way to see U2

from stockie in speedy's moyvane;

So U2 are giving a free concert in Berlin. Is this some attempt at irony?

Four mini-songs.

Behind a new Berlin Wall.

It's free if you have a TV.

Will MTV be giving free advertising?

Go away U2. Way past your sell by.

btw Stockie not happy with the crap photo.

Kerry Style Sets the Pace

2009-11-01T22:11:00.000Z

from agnes at the bar in the white sands hotel;

Just because we are on the west coast doesn't that we are cut off from all the current trends, especially trends in models who are ready for the 21st century.

Local Kerry agency Upfront bring us the wonderful news of the new Miss Barry's Bakery. Excellent stuff.

You may be in interested in the following pic from 1939. It shows the National Peanut Festival Queen for that year.

You are an intelligent reader (well you are reading this blog). Make up your own story.

Don't read this if you are fat and stupid

2009-11-01T13:38:00.000Z

from agnes sitting in the bar in the brehon. killarney;

There I was looking for a recipe for Chocolate Milkshake using dark cocoa (don't ask) when I came upon http://www.cooks.com/ and the above recipe. If I am looking for chocolate recipes do I need an ad telling me I am fat? Or if I am on a diet, why am I looking up chocolate recipes? I can't work it out. It's doing my head in.

Another one for the road there son.

Drink at home, Drunk at home

2009-10-30T17:32:00.001Z

It's a great way to travel

from seanie in parkers kilflynn;

My local is exactly 8.19 miles (13.2 dempsey ks) from my door, according to yahoo maps. It will take me 17 minutes driving it also says. It takes me about 25 in reality. There are no pubs, hotels, shebeens between me and my local. There are no Luas, Dart, Bus, NiteLink, Arrow transport facilities. There is one community bus (what an oxymoron) which passes the end of the lane twice a week - wednesday and friday. It goes to town at 10 am and returns at 2 o'clock in the afternoon (1400 dempsey time). And I would still be 4.26 miles (6.9 dempsey ks) from my local.

A taxi (hackney) to the local costs €20. Obviously that's €40 for the round trip.

So I can't have two pints over a couple of hours just to keep up with the local news, see who's dead, dying or just not very well at the moment.

Have a lemonade you cry. Over two hours I need lemonade or something other than my pint?

The christmas 45 games start soon. There will be fuck all people playing. All the older players gone, gone gone. Staying at home in front of a few turf sods.

Yes rural Ireland does exist.

But not if you have been driven around by 'private' gardai for twenty years, believing this is a 'knowledge economy' and at the bleedin edge of technology.

Minister Dempsey, you can go and .....................

National Day of Action

2009-10-29T16:41:00.000Z

from stockie, still in club head bang bang tralee;

God the nostalgia is wonderful. Just like Johnny Cash's vid, Bob's brings those totem poles back - kerouac, ginsbeg, all the black and white grainy pixels of memory, all those shards of recognition of ambition and lack of ambition, all the would be's and could be's.

And all around us worker is set upon worker. National day of action my ass. Fight among yourselves as the Union bosses earn more than five times your wages - every day. And all those in positions of power, social partners. Not socialist partners you will note.

Of course I'll have another. Bird never flew on one wing. And a Black Bush - water no ice, thanks.

Nostalgia The Way Forward

2009-10-29T15:37:00.001Z

My Beat Club - Strange Brew on MUZU.

from stockie in headbangers tralee;

All this talk of strikes, days of action, crap governments makes one very nostalgic. It's time to lose one's head in happy hippy days when all seemed possible. Those dreams fell too, but it was worth the trip. Well worth it to bring those feelings to mind especially now. Public worker set against private worker. The system churning itself up, clearing out the shit to make way for fresh progess. Islam versus Christianity. Same thing.

Another pint of Guinnness there please. No, I'm in no hurry. Oh, and a Back Bush too - water no ice.

Separated at birth

2009-10-29T09:39:00.000Z

from agnes in the sportsman's tralee;

I'm saying nothing. Use your head.

Vintner's Victory

2009-10-22T10:33:00.000+01:00

Thumbs Up from Jackie and Fan

from seanie in tatler jacks;

So where is the Drink-Driving Limit bill now? Gone. Lily-livered Brian Cowen can't even bring this bill in. At least we can now legally piss this countries future up against the wall.

We have been listing TD's clinics/pubs see Drink Limit tag). Surely there can be no connection with Clinics/Advice Centres and the kicking to touch of the bill? To quote one TD (no stranger to a pub himself) "I was going to vote against this even if the Government came down tomorrow, it's the poor fella that calls in for a pint and a half on the way home from the likes of Castleisland or Kenmare Mart, that's who I'm looking out for." Jackie Healy-Rae in the Kerryman.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that the drink-driving limit has not been changed. Life in rural Ireland has enough threats to it. It's weak, non-principled useless TDs that drive me to drink.

Slainte.

Local TD at Your Local Pub (3)

2009-10-20T09:57:00.000+01:00

from agnes in john benny moriarty's in dingle;

Drink Drive Limit Drives Me Up The Walls

Stockie and myself are still stuck in Dingle as I think that the guards might get him after his pint and BnP (see this).For my part a few small powers have killed my chances of driving, not that I could as I never learned to drive - damn all cars around here in the fifties.

We blame the politeecians.

I officially give up on this list (see list 1 and list 2). If you want to know more about politicians and their clinics, just look it up yourself. Why?

The countryside is being killed stone cold dead by stubborn, single-minded TDs who don't even have to drive themselves! One drink. One drink and I am a murdering bastard. Wipe out innocents in Limerick with guns and there's no problem. One drink. One drink.

I give up compiling my list because I got as far as Eamon O Cuiv and his list of clinics. Pubs, Pubs Pubs. Not all are pubs I admit, but why edit such a wonderful declaration. A declaration that the pub is the centre of social interaction in rural Ireland.

Want to see the list? Here it is, verbatim. Don't worry if you don't understand Irish, this is (almost) a list of pubs.

Eamon O Cuiv Clinic Venues

Constituency Office, Kirwin House, Flood St. Galway City
At home, Corr na Móna, Co. Galway
Regan's, Maigh Cuilinn
Tí Hughes, An Spidéal
Tigh Bhiddy Ned, Indreabhán
Tír na nÓg, Indreabhán
Ionad Pobail/Community Centre, An Caiseal/Cashel
Tí Mhóráin, Cárna
Tí Chadháin, Cill Chiaráin
Tí Mháille, Rosmuc
Hurney's, Tullykyne
Hollorans', Collinamuck
Kinneavey's, Rosscahill
Boat Inn, Oughterard
Kings, Roundstone
Keoghs Ballyconneely
J.C's, The Square, Clifden
Joyces’, Cleggan
Keane's, Oranmore
Egan's, Coshla
Clarkes' Corrandulla,
Regan's, Clonboo
Molly's, Letterfrack
Coynes' Tullycross,
Hamiltons, Leenane
Burkes, Clonbur
Tí Phádraig Mháirtín Beag, An Droim
Hooker Bar (Tigh Jack), Eanach Mhéain, Béal an Daingin
Réalt na Mara, An CheathrÚ Rua
Tí Sé, Ros-a-Mhíl

It's your round, Noel Dempsey.

Local TD at Local Pub (2)

2009-10-19T11:11:00.001+01:00

from stockie in dick mack's;

Enoying another pint and a drop of the craytur. That will put me over Noel Demsey's mad limit. How do I get home from here ? Only 2 drinks, not even a drag, I'm stuck. Where is my Kerry Luas, my Kerry Dart, my Kerry Arrow, my 16a bus, my friendly local taxi driver?

So here is another instalment in our list of Local TDs in local pubs, only FFers this time. Please note that Mary Hanafin has 'Advice Centres', not Clinics.

Barry Andrews (FF)
The Wishing Well, Blackrock
Aine Brady (FF)
The Village Inn (Manzors), Clane
Johnny Brady (FF)
Old Darnley Lodge Hotel, Athboy
Pollard Arms, Castlepollard
O'Shaughnessy's, Delvin
McHugh's Pub, Raharney
Martin Cullen (FF)
Furlong's, Passage
The Tavern, Waterford
John Curran (FF)
Silver Granite Pub, Palmerstown
Frank Fahey (FF)
J. Conneely's, Clifden
Mary Hanafin (FF)
The Igo Inn (Lounge Section) (naturally), Ballybrack
Maire Hoctor (FF)
Damer Court Hotel, Roscrea
The Arch Bar, Thurles
Foley's Bar, Templemore
Liam O'Riain's Pub, Ballina
The Bit n' Bridle Bar, Killenaule
Pat Hough's Bar, Lorrha

I have not stopped at FF. More to come.

TDs Expenses Fully Justified

2009-10-18T13:19:00.000+01:00

Mr. Micawber knew about balancing expenses

from seanie in the blind piper in caherdaniel;

There I was supping a lovely pint reading the Irish times when I came across the following article. The story is true, but some details have been amended in order to make the story more believable. (Original here.)

TDs 'face expenses challenge'

More than 166 TDs could be asked either to repay money or provide further information to justify their expenses claims, it has been reported.

TDs are set to receive letters next week about their claims over the past five years.

Auditors are expected to ask up to 166 members to justify instances where they have received public money, or to repay it, the Sunday Telegraph reported.

The letters are reportedly being sent out by former civil servant Mr Shoneen, who has been leading a review of all claims since 2004. Shoneen is believed to be examining cases where TDs have used dail expenses to improve their second homes and make a profit, rather than just maintain them.

He is also said to have uncovered more examples where taxpayers' money has been used to pay off the capital element of mortgages, instead of just interest on the borrowing, as is allowed under the rules.

The letters will be sent out privately, and Shoneen is not expected to deliver his final report until December.

They will also receive an email containing a detailed analysis of their use of the Additional Costs Allowance, which is intended to help meet the costs of running a second home, the newspaper reported.

TDs will be told they have three weeks to challenge Shoneen's findings and can appeal to the Dail standards and privileges committee if they do not agree with his conclusions.

According to the BBC, the Taoiseach could be among those asked to pay back cash. In an interview, Brian Cowen said he believed the "worst offenders" in the scandal should be prosecuted.

"It's right to distinguish between what you might call corruption in some cases, which is for the courts to decide, and honest mistakes or misunderstandings about rules that are very unclear," he said.

"Some cases will end up in the courts, where someone's done something very wrong we've got a duty to deal with them most severely."

That's women for ye.

2009-10-18T12:48:00.001+01:00

from stockie in the green room in the maharees;

This wouldn't happen here. There's a tax on those plastic bags.

Not Irish Jokes

2009-10-18T10:58:00.000+01:00

from agnes in the tankard;

So they are telling Irish jokes in British jails? My god, what new torture is this. Who would have thought.

There is nothing as good as hearing things straight from the drinker's gob. Enjoying a stiff one yesterday in the Tankard with Seanie and Paudie, the conversation drifted into reminiscing. Always happens after a few pints and the odd B&P.

D'ye remember auld Payter? Back in Causeway? Remember the time a Yank stopped outside Jones' supermarket ? He asked Payter "Can you tell me the way to Ratoo Tower?"
"Go out the road, turn left at the Doctor's house and away with ye", was the swift reply.

Or what about the directions given to a poor German, stuck in Fenit and wanting to get to the Bus station in Tralee (8 miles, not a very simple route). "Go back the road till you meet Connie Nolan's garage, turn right and it's ahead of you." Check yahoo maps to see if the German made it.

It's all true - not meant to be laugh out loud. The pub, the pub.

Meet Your Local TD at the Local Pub (1)

2009-10-17T13:33:00.002+01:00

from stockie by phone from freddie's;

A Tale of Two Harps

There I was sipping a pint in Freddie's in Caherdaniel when it came to my attention that this wonderful hostelry also serves as clinic for our former Ceann Comhairle John O'Donoghue. I looked up some of our TD websites to see where they might hold such clinics. I had to stop at five - 5!! Look up your local man's site and see where he/she might be, waiting to meet happy constituents.

All over the country pubs are closing and these boyos give absolutely no help in keeping these social centres open - even though they use them as social centres themselves.

It costs me €20 to get a hackney home from my local if I forget to bring the jammer with me. And as for smoking? See Grandad for some views on that.

John O'Donoghue's Clinics
Ballyferriter, Donal Keane’s Bar
Annascaul, Falvey’s Bar
Catherdaniel, Freddie’s Bar
Kenmare, Jim O’Shea’s, The Commercial
Glenbeigh, Mary McCarthy’s Bar
Milltown, Michael O’Shea’s Bar
Brandon, Mullaly’s Bar
Ventry, Paudie O’Shea’s Bar
Sneem, Riney’s Bar
Maharees, Spillane’s Bar
Castlecove, Staigue Fort
Castlegregory, Tadgh Óg’s Bar
Keel / Boolteens, The Anvil Bar or Murphy’s Bar
Killarney, The Arbutus Hotel, College Street
Waterville, The Bayview Hotel
Beaufort, The Beaufort Bar
Dingle, Tom McCarthy’s Bar

Seamus Kirk's Clinics
Clogherhead, Lobster Inn
Ardee, Malone's
Carlingford, Taafe's Castle
Dundalk, Central Bar

Willie O'Dea's Clinics
Shanahan’s, Mungret.
Greenhill’s Hotel, Ennis Rd.
The Track, Garryowen.
The Spotted Dog, Janesboro.
Tail Race, Parteen.
Ahern’s Bar, Kilteely,
Miller’s Bar, Oola.
Scobie’s Bar, Hospital.
O’Dwyer’s Bar, Pallasgreen.
G. Barry’s Bar, Caherconlish.
Weigh Inn, Ballysheedy.
Buckley’s Bar, Doon.
Noel Foley’s, Murroe.
Shannon Bar, Castleconnell.

Mary Harney's Clinics
Kenny's Pub, Lucan
Green Isle Hotel, Rathcoole

Richard Bruton's Clinics
Grainger's Coolock
Kitty Kiernan's, Collins Avenue
Kilmardinny, Lorcan Avenue

Every Little Helps, says Tesco Witch

2009-10-17T11:43:00.000+01:00

from loki in stoker's lodge;

So there I was in Tescos in Cork looking for something to brighten up the night life when I came across the perfect costume at the perfect price - €6.

Wait wait. At the till I discovered it was €7. Now my eyesight is pretty normal, and I naturally assume all advertised prices at the store are in Euros. Silly me.

Never mind that the exchange rate is ludicrous.

Roll on Christmas (xmas?) shopping.

Professor Drumm's Bonus Totally Justified

2009-10-15T13:04:00.001+01:00

from seanie in the killarney plaza;

So Prof Brendan Drumm is paid more, much more, than his equivalents in the US or UK. So what?

It is totally deserved. He is in charge of a health system which much cater for the entire Irish population, a population which self-evidently ill, perhaps seriously mentally ill.

Just look at the idiots, chancers and embezzlers they vote to represent them in the Dail.

Where are the protests against this Government?

2009-10-15T10:01:00.002+01:00

from stockie the west end;

It can't go on. Thirty years ago up about 200,000 people marched in protest against the high burden of taxation being carried by the PAYE workers.

In that thirty years we have seen grubby politicians reduce themselves to a self-serving, expense filled group of ineffectual twats. Oh there may be some honest (?) politicians left, but they are very very quiet.

So the PAYE marchers may have been self-serving too, I admit that. It seems that all the establishment members (unions, government, civil service, state bodies etc.) are now congealed into one lump of chip fat. Surely this is a time for more protests?

Where is the tipping point? Argos runs out of Nintendo Wii this christmas?

Bertie Tells Time Magazine, "It's the Media"

2009-10-14T13:30:00.002+01:00

from seanie in the bar at beaufort golf club;

Read the lastest from Time magazine - an interview with President-elect Mr. Bertie Ahern.
Former Ireland Prime Minister Bertie Ahern

It's the media. It's all the media. Fianna Fail and Bertie believe it's all the media's fault. A direct lift from the article;

"You seem to blame the media for your decision to quit as Taoiseach. 

Yes, they just kept after me. Even when things were getting serious with the economy, they just kept on my back. I would have [left office] this year anyway. I thought at the end public opinion would be fed up with the tribunal and fed up with me. It just goes on and on. You're asked questions like 'do you not remember well going into a bank on 23rd September 1993?' and eight hours later you're thinking 'Jesus did I go into the bank on 23rd September 1993?'"

And again;

"It looked like a success story, and then the recession came. 

 Did we make mistakes? Of course we did. The property boom got too big, the banks borrowed too much. Our regulation system, and we all have to take responsibility for this, wasn't picking up everything it should. When I tried to bring in a property tax, the media killed me. Then the media killed me saying I didn't bring in the solutions. I am sorry so many people have lost jobs." 

Of course the media hounded poor John O'Donoghue out of office.

John O'Donoghue's Speech From The Dock

2009-10-13T15:38:00.000+01:00

only following procedure

from seanie in the red fox inn;

So John O'Donoghue is not bitter - so he said in his resignation speech. Of course mention of the media peppered his speech, although he did say of his relations with the fourth estate - 'the best of times, the worst of times'.

His barely concealed venom was directed at Eamon Gilmore. The 'unfair procedure' of pre-empting a fair hearing of his defence of his actions. Totally ignoring the fact that Gilmore offered him an alternative, that of a full public disclosure, instead of the 'fair hearing' behind closed doors, as O'Donoghue wanted.

Of course he never arranged any accomodation or travel - that was undertaken by civil servants or those who invited him to their country or function. He was scrupulously following procedure. Standard procedure. Standard protocol. Procedures since 1929 (I think that was the year he mentioned).

The gentlemen at Nuremberg were only following procedure. Who questions procedure?

Of course he claimed credit for everything - Semple Stadium, Cliffs of Moher, Volvo Ocean Race, Ryder Cup and on and on and on. Good man yourself.

All the expenses incurred during the Tiger years apparently seem excessive in these spartan times, he inferred. So that's all right then.

John O'Donoghue says he did no wrong.

John O'Donoghue says he followed procedure.

John O'Donoghue is not a nazi.

John O'Donoghue is guilty of not taking full responsibility for his function. Not asking questions.

Only following orders.

And he will be re-elected. This is Kerry, after all. Those media and Dublin bastards won't best us.

Ryanair 1 Panorama 0

2009-10-13T09:40:00.001+01:00

from stockie in the castle bar;

The logos probably say it all. Ryanair - cheap, bright and in your face. Panorama - expensive, arty, slightly discreet. What in God's name has become of Panorama ? Once upon a time it was either World in Action or Panorama which investigated - really investigated - previously hidden stories. If you read papers you would read the Sunday Times edited by Harold Evans. Not the current rag.

So Michael O'Leary was set upon by a bluff, simpering, journo who looks as if he should be reporting on the local sheepdog trials. What did the team at Panorama think was going to be the outcome? It's utterly ridiculous.

Apparently Ryanair charges it's customers. Amazing. I travel and use Ryanair occasionally. No I don't really like the experience and sometimes I lose the old cool. But then I can't afford the price of the seat I woud really like - first class seat of course. How many times have you travelled in steerage to the US in the back of a smelly old Air Lingus bus? Bet you envied first class. But you couldn't afford it. The greater goal was to get to the US and come back again. Safely.

Panorama tells us that Ryanair sometimes lands it's customers up to 100k away from it's destination. I'm shocked. 60odd million people know this, apparently Panorama doesn't.

This little rant is not in favour of Ryanair - they can handle themselves. Thanks to radio, books and the internet I don't see as much TV as I used to. I only watched the programme to see if Panorama could land a punch. If this is the quality of investigative journalism on television I won't be watching.

Of course my TV licence does not cover the BBC. So I take it all back.

Bertie View of Lehman's Balls

2009-10-12T15:42:00.001+01:00

from seanie in the blasket;

I know it's too easy to hold Bertie Ahern up to ridicule - after all he does it best himself. But as he appears to want to run for the President's job I cannot hold back. No way can we have De President up in de Park next to the ehzoo.

Kathy Sheridan had a great piece in the Irish Times last saturday. It seems Bertie thinks Lehmans was some sort of multi-balled American.

Thank you Kathy.

New section on Bertie.

Getting it right in a recession

2009-10-08T12:38:00.000+01:00

from agnes in sol y sombra in killorglin

Why am I not a millionaire? Brody Sweeney of O'Brien's Irish Sandwich Bars tells me that making mistakes is a good thing.

And he should know

Ceann Comhairle is Irish for Speaker of The House

2009-10-07T10:29:00.001+01:00

from seanie in the snug at the grand hotel

So what is the difference between the mother of all parliaments and the mother of all circuses?
Michael Martin and John O'Donoghue, conjoined by an expense sheet.
Gordon Brown and Brian Cowen, walking dead men.

There is no need to go on, you can join the dots yourself.

The Prodigal Son Returns

2009-10-06T11:20:00.001+01:00

from stockie in the white sands

It has been reported that the 1959 Cavan Minor team have just held the 50th annniversay of their appearance in the 1959 All-Ireland Final. Naturally after such a period of time some of the team would have passed away.

But, mirabile dictu, one of reported dead was not dead. He may walked a different path since 1959, but dead he certainly is not. The mystery is how he found out about the Anniversary Bash.

Can you spot him in this picture?

I know it's a bit difficult, but if you click the pic you may spot him. On the other hand you could click the following picture.

Up Cavan!

John O'Donoghue Picks a Pocket or Two

2009-10-05T09:33:00.001+01:00

John O'Donoghue chairs the ethics committee - note the dirty linen inside the chamber

from seanie at his desk in mcelligotts

So what is the view from the Kingdom? Sure it's a scandal to be sure, but a man in that position has to play the game. Aren't they all at it? It was a gift from Bertie, well not a gift exactly but a payoff for being dumped from Justice to Arts.

All those flights from Kerry Airport ? You couldn't pay for the advertising. Kerry? I think I'll fly.

Above politics? Nonsense, doesn't he need to help his people in these bad times ? Check his personal website to see how non-political he is. And of course he has to keep an eye on the Healy-Raes.

And then look at the employment he has created in his office - that bucks the trend and sets a good example for others.

John O'Donoghue believes in keeping an open mind -so open that he has absolutely no goals and objectives at all. None. Zero. Again it is on his website - check out http://www.johnodonoghue.ie/goals.php4

Zero tolerance. Zero goals. Zero ethics.

Polish Joke or Irish Joke

2009-10-02T22:17:00.001+01:00

from paudie in paddy macs;

You couldn't make it up. I must have missed this piece of idiocy, so forgive me if you have read it before. The Ig Nobel awards have just been announced, and one of the winners are the Irish Gardai for their contribution to Literature. How can this be?

The citation reads;

"The Irish national police for issuing 50 tickets to one Prawo Jazdy, which in Polish means "driver's license".

Don't believe it? Check the Irish Times article.

Read the full list of winners here.

Tesco Value Lifes

2009-10-02T21:27:00.000+01:00

This shot was taken today. It is on the local town Tesco door.

I'm not trying to be ultra-finiky about spelling/grammar - I use spell checker too - but there is a limit.

Dnt u tink so?

The Recession Bites

2009-10-02T10:08:00.000+01:00

All of this current doom and gloom brings more memories of simpler times. Back in late 60's, early 70's, we found curry - Vesta Beef Curry. No mashed spuds with cabbage and milk. No. Rice for dindins, not for dessert! Sultanas in our meat (if it was meat), not in our sweet! All those little bags to be opened and cooked. And Angel Delight to follow.

Every so often we would go all Italian, not our regular smoked cod and chips, but real Italian with Vesta Risotto. Yummy.

Would it taste as nice now. Who cares - never visit the swimming hole of your youth, it is best in the memory.

Jim Corr v Dennis the Menace on Lisbon

2009-10-01T14:49:00.000+01:00

You can't sign, you can't dance, you'll go far. So Dennis' careers teacher told him.

And teacher (for once) was right.

Read all about Lisbon, New World Order and whatever you're having yourself. Here.

Irish Tea Ceremony v English Tea Ceremony

2009-10-01T14:17:00.001+01:00

In response to Daddy's "The English Tea Ceremony". I know it's a cheap shot, not very original and all that. But you will watch it, go on, go on, go on. And then watch the above. I think I may have that the wrong way around.

Lisbon Censorship

2009-10-01T10:20:00.000+01:00

Today is pre-Lisbon vote day. Not supposed to mention Lisbon. So I am a good citizen and won't mention Lisbon. Graffiti on the walls and streets with no white lines - not even double yellow.

Wait, that might be Grafton street. Or a street in any pedestrianised euro-kip city. I'm so european I don't know where I am.

And then I look out the window and see Mount Brandon and the Atlantical Sea.

And that effin Vote No Lisbon poster on the telegraph pole.